Blonde jokes are based on the premise that people (primarily women) with blonde hair are naive, gullible, and…well, just plain stupid. You would think that this simple premise would get old – but lo and behold it does not, the best blonde jokes are alive and well in the 21st century! For some reason, like being attracted to the tabloids at the supermarket checkout counter, I just can’t get enough of them, so I present to you the best blonde jokes I know of – and I hope that they make you crack a smile and laugh the rest of the day!
Blonde Joke #1: “Blonde on the lookout”
A redhead was well over the speed limit when she asked her blonde passenger, “See any cops behind us?” The blonde turned around for a long look. “Hey, yeah, I do.” “Damn!” said the redhead. “Are his flashers on?” The blonde replied, “Yep, nope. Yep, nope. Yep, nope.”
Blonde Joke #2: “First Class to Vegas”
The blonde plopped down in First Class in spite of her Coach ticket. The stewardess informed her, “Miss, you’re going to have to move to your seat.” But the blonde merely smiled smugly. “Honey, you don’t understand: I’m cute, I’m blonde, and when I get to Las Vegas, I’m going to be rich.” Even the head stewardess couldn’t make her move. “I’m cute, I’m blonde, and when I get to Las Vegas, I’m going to be rich.” Finally, the Captain was summoned. He whispered in the blonde’s ear, she gave him a surprised look, then stood up and moved quietly to Coach. The stewardesses were impressed. “What did you say to get her to leave?” “Oh, I just told her ‘First Class doesn’t stop in Las Vegas!'”
Blonde Joke #3: “Blonde Diagnosis”
“Doc, you’ve got to help me,” said the cute young redhead. “I hurt all over.” “What do you mean?” asked the doctor. She touched her right knee with her finger. “Ow, that hurts.” She touched her left cheek. “Ow, that really hurts!” Then she touched her shoulder. “OW! Even THAT hurts!” The doctor grew suspicious. “Are you a natural blonde?” he asked. “Why, yes,” she replied. “how did you know?” “Oh, lucky guess,” said the doctor. “You have a sprained finger.”
Blonde Joke #4: “Blonde Cruise”
A blonde walking by a travel agency notices a sign in the window, “Cruise Special – $99!” She goes inside, hands the agent her money, and says, “I’d like the $99 cruise special, please.” The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, pushes her in and leaves her, floating downstream. A few minutes later another blonde passes by, sees the sign, goes inside, and pays for the $99 cruise special. She receives the same treatment. Drifting into a stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. As they float along, side-by-side, the first blonde asks, “Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?” The other replies, “They didn’t last year!”
Blonde Joke #5: “Alligator Shoes”
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation.Â She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, “Well then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!”
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, “Well little lady, why don’t you go on and give it a try?”
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.Â With lightning reflexes, the blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.Â Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration…
“CRAP! THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT, TOO!”
Blonde Joke #6: “Trapped!”
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were trapped in a burning building. Firemen arrived and spread out the blanket. “Jump! It’s your only chance!” they cried. The brunette jumped and Swish! the firemen yanked the blanket away. The brunette smashed into the sidewalk. “Jump!” the firemen yelled to the redhead. “Oh, no!” the redhead cried. “You’ll pull the blanket away!” “No, no! It’s brunettes we can’t stand! We love redheads!” “Well, okay,” said the redhead, as she jumped. Swish! the firemen yanked the blanket away and she smashed into the sidewalk. Finally, it was the blonde’s turn. “Jump!” yelled the firemen. “No way!” yelled the blonde. “You’ll just pull the blanket away again!” “No, we won’t. We won’t pull the blanket away. We love blondes!” The blonde was adamant. “Nothing you say will convince me! Now put that blanket down and step away from it…”
Featured Image: Amazon
Book Author: R. Christi