Chasing a Cheating Husband
Remember the cartoon, Tom and Jerry? Why did Tom have so much trouble catching Jerry? Was it Jerry was so much smarter? Not really. Here was intelligent too. Jerry won because he was always two steps ahead of Tom. Here was always so preoccupied and focused on the chase he became predictable.
Who followed who?
Here followed Jerry. That’s what Jerry wanted it.
This article is not about winning or losing or even chasing, but there are some tips we can get from the philosophy of chasing someone.
Who am I?
My name is Orlando and I want to help. I cheated on my first wife many years ago and I did this despite being what I consider a man that actually does care a lot about women’s feelings. I remember what she did to try to win me back. I remember how I felt, how I reacted. I have some eye-opening tips that can help you.
Cheating Is Never the Solution
Make no mistake I think cheating is wrong- period, no matter what the reason is. Since my infidelity with my first wife I have moved on and reconstructed myself. You can read more about my story to understand who I am and what happened if you’d like to decide if you can trust my advice, but you came to this post for help right now so if I may, let’s cut to the chase.
Unearthing the ugliness of your husband cheating has got to be one, IF NOT THE MOST PAINFUL, emotional experience you have ever gone through. Heaps of stories of unfaithful husbands litter the internet. After reading one of them just now at www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums I just had to stop what I was doing to write this post.
Sad Stories of Betrayed Wives
So this loving, caring wife writes about finding herself in a marriage with a habitual lying man. Shortly after marrying him she discovers their house was in danger of going into foreclosure (apparently the house was his to start before they got married and he did not discriminate the financial problems he was having). So who bailed them out of trouble? You guessed it. Her. Then he had a major health scare. Who forked out the money again? Yep, her.
Then she catches him sexting one of his younger employees at work including pics of her private parts. It makes me sick thinking men do this. Why not just confront your wife and express what frustrates you about your relationship? That would be the rational thing to do, but people are not rational or fair. I still get angry at myself for having cheated.
Back to the story.
So the betrayed wife wrists on that, well, in so many words (from my observation as a man) begs him to stay and humiliates herself by doing whatever she thinks is necessary to MAKE HIM ATTRACTED TO HER again. She dresses sexy, wrists love letters, reminds him of all their great moments together and cooks for him amongst other things.
Appeasing Your Cheating Spouse. This Sounds Familiar
Hmm, sounds familiar. Oh, yeah, that’s what my ex-did when she caught me. And how did that make me feel?
Like running away as fast as I could. Sorry to tell you that ladies.
Ex Gets Cheated On Again- Cheating Really Sucks!
Oh, yeah, interestingly enough, my ex with what I’m still friends with (because I really do care) ran face-to-face with marital infidelity again with her second husband. I was one of the first people she violated to and scattered all the details onto. She accidentally found sextets between her husband and someone at work. And again acting out of panic she tried the appealing approach with letters, dressing sexy and unfortunately trying to MAKE HIM ATTRACTED TO HER again.
It did NOT work.
Cutting to the Chase: the Bottom Line about Cheating Husbands
Tom chased Jerry not the other way around. Jerry was never worried about what Tom did. Here was ALWAYS focused on what Jerry did.
Here’s the straightforward advice. Do NOT chase your man. It will NEVER work. It will NOT make him LIKE YOU AGAIN.
Men are NOT associated with begging. Do NOT beg, do NOT plead. This is NOT attractive.
Is he a chump for cheating? YES !!
Can he justify his cheating? NO! He could have chosen a different way to handle his emotions instead he felt starting over with someone else was the answer.
The Advice You Did NOT See Coming
The ugly truth is NO man, NO person, will make you completely happy. Yes, the right relationship does feel good, but in the end, YOU control your happiness.
If you want any chance of winning him back then instead of focusing on HIS reaction to what you do you should focus on YOU DO and THINK, specifically on how you look at relationships.
Identify Self-Sabotaging Thoughts
Write down those thoughts that are keeping you dependent on someone else to provide you happiness (emotional dependence).
• I love him so much and I can not live without him
• I hope I have qualities that he (and men in general) find attractive
• My life will be a wreck if I lose him (or if I do not have a man in my life).
Begin to change your toxic self-talk into new ways of dealing with relationships.
• From “I love him so much and I can not live without him,” to “I’ve had many good moments with him, but there are many things that make me happy.”
• From “I hope I have qualities that he (and men in general) finds attractive” to “Through thick and thin I am willing to make our relationship work.
• From “My life will be a wreck if I lose him (or if I do not have a man in my life),” ” to ” Yes, it will sting, but I know I will be fine even if he’s not around. But if he’s not willing to get through this tough time with me then he’s not the right one for me anyway and someone out there is better suited for me. ”
The Win-Win Situation
It takes some time, but you must empower yourself to feel strong and that power NEVER comes from another person. It’s a process of shifting your poisonous, self -funding thoughts into healthy thoughts that not only are true but put you in control of how you feel.
The good news is that it can start today if you choose.
So what’s the win-win position?
Benefits of Taking Ownership of Your Own Thoughts
Once the new ways of seeing relationships become a part of you, you will reap the rewards of feeling strong and in control of your happiness. Here are some of the benefits you will create for yourself:
• You will BELIEVE you have something to offer him (or men in general).
• You will understand relationships are a bonus in life, NOT a must. You will be fine whether you are in one or not.
• He (or men in the future) will be associated to your confidence. He will love being around you.
• He (or men in the future) will be careful how he beats you because your confidence tells him (them) you do NOT need him (them). He (they) will be afraid the wrong move could scare you off.
• You would not tolerate boyish behavior because you would no longer be dependent on someone else to provide you happiness.
• You would see a man that cheats as a poor lost, wounded soul in search of finding himself. You would either want to help him or get rid of him.
Since when do you ever desire to follow a poor, lost soul?
Do not be Tom.
Feature Image: My Marriage Helper