Relationships and dating are touchy for dinner table conversation … like politics and war …
Everybody BELIEVES they know what a relationship “must be” like. If your opinion is different from the other person, they freak out and judge you …
Sometimes they hate you.
I experienced this when I first thought about the possibility of having an “open relationship.” People are convinced of the monogamous model of relationships very strongly. As far as I’m concerned, I do not think it’s the only way to go.
Do not get me wrong, I think a committed relationship is WONDERFUL. But I do not think people are evolutionarily programmed to be totally monogamous.
Because cheating is rampant. Robin Baker, an evolutionary biologist at Manchester University, discovered that that 10% of people have a dad that’s different than who they THINK their father is.
So Let me ask you a question. I assume you’re thinking about an open relationship because you reading this. What do you think is better, to find a way to make the open relationship work? Or to cheat? If you’re thinking about having an open relationship, I want you to take a chill pill right now, and realize that it’s OK.
I’m going to lay out some rules of thumb that might help you get the most out of your open relationship. Follow them, and you will be one of the few, the proud, and bold people, who get to change their Facebook relationship status to “open”.
Here’s are open relationship guidelines that worked for me:
1. Always prioritize your girlfriend (or partner). Jealousy is the main enemy in an open relationship. If you ensure your partner that they are number one. That they are more important to you than anyone else, and you NEVER put someone else in front of them, they will be more at ease with the situation and they will be much more comfortable with the open relationship.
2. No freakishly hot people This is a rule that worked for me. Both my girlfriend and I felt insecure that one of us might find someone who was just stunning and amazing, and we would feel inferior by comparison. This probably does not make me sound super self-confident or whatever – but I’m just being real. And I know that anyone considering an open relationship probably has a similar concern.
I wanted my gf to have fun … but not TOO much fun if you know what I mean. And she felt the same way. She was also worried that I would get whisked away by an ultra hot babe. So we both set a rule that we are very happy with: No superhuman people. I really liked the rule. Just IN CASE, Jessica Biel knocked on my door, she would feel comfortable in knowing that I can not date anyone “superhuman”. Likewise, for me, I would not want to know that Kobe Bryant tore her apart and I got sloppy seconds.
3. Open the relationship slowly, at the same pace. Here’s an un-fun scenario: You get your girlfriend to agree to an open relationship, and then she finds five guys to bang before you severely have a solid date. My girlfriend, of course, had the same worry about me finding 5 girls to fool around with before she met a worthy guy. We both felt that it would be best for us both to do the open relationship at the same pace. So we set up the open relationship in currencies. First, we were in phase 1, kissing. So we could both kiss other people, then report back to each other on how we felt. I really liked setting it up that way, because if we did not feel comfortable letting one another have sex with someone else … we could find out before it was too late!
4. Honesty … Jealousy can cause vicious nightmares at night when in an open relationship – especially if you cannot be fully honest. If you are vague and you beat around the bush with your woman, you can create a lot of unnecessary tension. Just be honest about what you did. That’s why it’s important not to do more than you agreed you would. If you agreed you would not go past second base, do not. If you do, be honest about it.