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How Newly-Married Couples Are Judged After Their Honeymoon

Kritika Bansal | August 8, 2015 | 6:20 pm
How Newly-Married Couples Are Judged After Their Honeymoon
How Newly-Married Couples Are Judged After Their Honeymoon

When you ask newly-married couples about their honeymoon, no one ever says, “Oh, we just had sex all day, everyday.” Most of them just say,” We had a really amazing trip.”

The traditional big fat Indian weddings don’t have a suhaag-raat, but it is a suhaag-subah. And then, you have to wait for the welcoming ceremonies (that might last a couple of days) to end and for the schedule dates of honeymoon, and wait some more on the flight before finally getting some lone time with your better half. But, once you are back, following are what you can typically expect.

1. Wifey’s New Figure

As per popular perception, now she has a noticeable booty that is the outcome of all the recent hard work (no pun intended). Now, the family dinners post honeymoon is all about about sneaking a peek, whispering, giggling, and of course, all about judging the newly wed couple on basis of that booty.

So, wifey married all normal bootied, but when she came back from her honeymoon she was like Nicki Minaj. That’s when people tell her,”hmm, you look a little…different.” But what they’re actually thinking is, “Girl you totally had it, and I know, you probably had sex as much as your stamina allowed!”

2. Glow On Their Faces

Now, this is the part where you don’t even have to look at the girls butt or her breasts. You can tell, they’ve been enjoying themselves a lot and releasing lot of endorphins. And just their calm, happy, and glowy faces compared to what they were like before marriage, says it all!

3. Clinginess, Increased Affection

Before and while getting married the couple was really shy in terms of PDA. Now, the chick is always clinging to her baby, and the baby acts like her daddy. For example, he always has an arm across her shoulder, or always wants to hold her hand and rub it gently. And, she always wants to take his arm while sitting or standing or walking.

4. Have They Moved On From Aap To Tu?

Oh my god! these third world problems. How should I talk to my spouse? “AAP karke? Ya TUM? Ya TU? Yaar YOU best hota hai English ka!” But, by the time they’ve settled into their married life, and have bonded mentally, physically, emotionally, they have moved on from the formality and “over-respect” of AAP, to chilling buddies of TU or at least to TUM. And, the moment relatives hear this there are gossips around this.

5. No. Of Pictures They Clicked On Their Holiday.

Some people sometimes can be like, “Hey show me your honeymoon pictures”. They’re the kind of people who always failed in their maths exam, but they can calculate your time spent inside and outside the hotel room just by the number of pictures clicked, like some genius mathematicians.

6. How Much Are They Talking About The Places They’ve Been To!

Are they telling you how beautiful the island was, what places they visited, what new foods did they try out, etc? Or are they just telling you “We had a really NICE trip”? Good enough evidence to know how much fun the couple must have had with each other.

7. A Little Tummy Popping Out And OMG She’s So Preggers.

Maybe she ate alotta nice food, maybe she’s not working out, but she’s having sex and that tummy is visible, so maybe…she’s pregnant! Yes, that’s absolutely normal of you to think that she got a baby bump over 2 weeks of vacation. Please, just don’t ask her if she’s pregnant.

On a general note, marriage is not about two individuals tying nuptial knot, but it is a matter of national concern for family, friends and self-appointed Shubhchintak of the couple.

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