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Why You Believe That Marriage Is Not A Thing Made For You !!!

Ruma Mazumdar | December 10, 2015 | 5:28 pm
Why You Believe That Marriage Is Not A Thing Made For You !!!
Why You Believe That Marriage Is Not A Thing Made For You !!!

There is a widespread conception among today’s young people that ‘marriage‘ is not for them. In fact, a good number of young married people also hold to this belief that they are perhaps not made for this institution. Marriage is a beautiful institution wherein two people decide to spend their lives together and cherish every moment together.

The marriage vows in different customs and religions include sharing responsibilities, protecting each other, to be with each other during good and bad times, and being with each other through and through. These vows and words sound surreal and too good to overlook.

Yet, there is something about this ‘M’ word that makes us wonder, ponder, and contemplate endlessly about this supposedly sacred institution.

Have you even wondered what is it about this concept that makes us feel not to be a part of the charade? Basically, why don’t we feel the need to get married anymore? Or, even if we get married, we are not ready to share every bit of us with our supposed life partner.

We all have our reasons to believe so!

There are a number of things that every one of us can come up with from an individual’s prospective but there is a generic trend that can be easily seen among people of this generation. These are the trends that do not make us feel isolated and outcasted from our peers.

Why Marriage Is Scary:

In the contemporary world, getting attached to someone or something is a serious matter with certain serious consequences (many of which are hypothetical). It is not wrong to say that most of us, early and mid-level professionals, firmly believe that our independence stands before everything else. The freedom to choose a profession, freedom to switch job, freedom to switch city, freedom to do anything or everything or nothing at all as opposed to responsibilities that can make one cripple. In fact, this assumption is quite true for both the genders be it men or women.

In fact, this argument can be supported by the results of India Human Development Survey (IHDS) conducted by The National Council for Applied Economic Research. This survey covers data from 2011-2012. This shows the kinds of limitation women in a marriage usually experience. You can read the whole survey on the reputed national daily The Hindu.

infographic 1

In other words:

# We are not ready to exchange our freedom for a life long commitment of companionship. Also, that we all have our own definition of freedom and liberty which can not be replaced by anything.

Moving to the next point, another great perception about marriage is that it is not as simple as it sounds. If you are opting for love marriage then the entire clan needs to agree to the holy union; and if it is an arranged marriage then finding a suitable mate itself is such a tedious task that we all are comfortable postponing, avoiding, or simply dodging this situation.

Even if this hurdle is crossed and by the grace of the almighty everything is worked out, from dates of the wedding to destination of honeymoon but, in between exists a wedding industry that involves a massive amount of money. From the grand wedding dresses and jewelleries, to finding a suitable venue, to grooming sessions to be the perfect bride and bridegroom; wedding is not a simple affair binding two individuals anymore. Nowadays, people are actually spending a whole year’s worth of earnings on their weddings.

To make this scenario crystal clear, here are some data:

Infography 2

Now this is the market scenario that centres around big fat Indian wedding. Following is a representation of cost in a single wedding. The expenses mentioned on this infography are limited to the essential costs and there is much other miscellaneous cost which mostly exceeds the essential cost.

Infography 3

And, these are just the initial costs. The life that begins after marriage also requires good investment for which not every one of us feels prepared. Most of the time, it is not because of our bank balance, it is because of the lack of willingness in our hearts.

In other words:

# The kind of money, effort, and hassles that are involved in big, fat Indian wedding make us wonder whether it is worth it.

The concept of ‘love’, ‘forever’ and ‘sanctity’ of the institution of marriage no longer exists or at least we believe, that it does not exists. We are a product of our society and are living in such a time where information travels faster than light. In such a situation, we are being fed with over information, opinions, surveys, studies and what not.

Even before collecting our thoughts and identifying our own personality, we are being forced fed with endless judgments making us intellectually handicap to think for ourselves. The internet is filled with everything about relationship and sex, from real life stories to what makes one an ideal lover to what does a man/woman want to what to say/not say during sex to how frequently one should call their love interest to everything that one can think of.

The gift of the web world is also innumerable match-making, partner finding apps and websites that make unbelievable claims and shows hard to believe happy success stories. These apps and websites further shape our ways of looking at relationships and to a large extent objectify both men and women. Forget about marriage, finding someone suitable to have a long-term association has itself become a herculean task in these times. To understand this situation here is a video.

True, not everyone gets entertained by this sort of superficiality and free information. But, no one is too far away from this because internet and social media is everywhere. In case, you truly consider yourself to be away from all these, when you might find it difficult to so-called fit-in the society.

In other words:

# We are internet nurtured, information infused individuals who are finding it difficult to understand our inner self, and even when we do understand, it makes us uncomfortable as we do not fit into any clichéd idea.

To Sum Up:

Marriage is a sacrosanct union of two individuals that has been contaminated by a lot of factors which can not be overseen. Unrealistic expectations, superficial aspects, insecurities, and commercialisation of love and relationship have put a thick layer over the simplicity of a lifelong relationship.

And, we are letting everything sway us in an unhealthy manner ultimately shaping our outlook and altering our personalities. Either we are overtly excited or unbelievably sceptical about marriage, there is no middle way.

What We Need To Do:

There is no single point agenda that can shape-up the thought process of an entire generation. But, here are few things that might be helpful to look through the hoopla.

First, know thyself. Once you know yourself, it will help you to understand where your comfort zone lies. This eventually will help others to connect to you in a better way.

Second, have patience and try not to escalate anything. We are not patient people anymore; we don’t give time to anything. It’s now or never and we take it literally. With people, with situation, and with everything else, we jump into conclusion and move on (or at least, we love to believe that we have).

Third, try not to get stuck in the traffic of the web world. Yes, it is an interesting and very engaging, but not something that deserves 100% of your time and energy which unknowingly, we end up investing.

And fourthly, it is okay to have fear of the unknown but letting your fear decide your fate is not a great choice of life.

Indeed, marriage is one of the greatest adventures of life and one should definitely experience it.

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