The ex-boyfriend (or girlfriend) phone call… it’s one of the most critical points in a reconciliation. If you’re looking to find a way back together again, getting your ex to call you should be of your top priorities. By reestablishing contact with your ex-lover, you can gain valuable information on whether or not they want you back, if they’re ready to reconcile yet, or whether they’re calling for some other reason.
If you’ve been on the receiving end of a break-up, chances are good you still want to date your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. You’ve probably tried the traditional methods for getting that person back: talking them out of the break-up, writing down your feelings, calling or emailing them long letters that explain why you should still be together. It’s also just as likely that those things all failed, as well they should. They’re actually some of the worst moves you can make while trying to win back an ex.
By walking away from the break-up and leaving your ex to his or her own thoughts, you’re allowing a lot of good things to happen. First, any anger or bitterness either of you has will dissipate. Second, you’re both getting some time to think about things from a much different perspective: one of being totally alone. Third and most important, each of you will get the chance to miss each other. And the longer you wait without contacting your ex, the stronger the feelings of curiosity and longing become.
And then it happens: the ex-girlfriend (or boyfriend) phone call. “What do I say when my ex-calls me?” – It’s a great question. But while what you say is extremely important, what you don’t say is equally so. And let’s not forget how you say things – another big factor in how well this phone call will go. You don’t be caught off guard by it, you want to learn what to say now so it’s fresh in your memory.
Things to avoid while on the phone with your ex:
* Being overly excited
* Displaying anger or bitterness
* Any show of desperation
* Talking about the break-up
* Making demands or creating deadlines
* Interrogating your ex
* A confrontational tone
All of the above actions are relationship-killers… they’ll turn your ex around very quickly, or turn them completely off to dating you again. Your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend called because he or she was curious… they want to know where you are and why you’re not chasing them. There’s a chance they want to get back together, or at least explore the option. But there’s also the chance they’re not ready yet. You need to learn the signs and signals your ex will give off when he or she is ready to possibly reconcile. Being overly friendly, suggesting a meeting, asking about your current relationship status – these are all good signs, but there are many, many others.
So what should you say when your ex-calls you? Something along the lines of this:
“Hey, wow, it’s great to hear from you! How’ve you been?”
Allow your ex to talk here, tell you why he or she called you, maybe fill some time with a little small talk before they get to the real reason they have you on the phone. Whatever reason your ex-gives for calling? Don’t challenge them on it. Allow it to go right past you, and let your ex-feel comfortable with the fact that they called.
If your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend asks about you, let them know you’re doing great. Be vague about what you’ve been doing, and don’t give specifics. If you spill everything out on the table, they might realize you’re still going to “be around” for a while and quickly lose interest. But if your ex is left wondering if you’ve moved on or met someone else… he or she will be nervous about that. They might ask more about it, or offer to meet up with you to talk some more. When your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend calls you up on the phone, you want to always leave them wanting more. This will ensure another call, or better yet, lead to a reunion date.
After a few minutes of small talk (no more than 2 or 3), you want to get off the phone as quickly as possible. That’s when you say:
“Listen, I’m really sorry but I’ve got a million things going on right now. I have to run. Gimmie a call next week or something?”
Multiple things get accomplished with these three small lines. First, you’re generating interest because apparently, you’re very busy. Your ex will wonder why you’re busy, and will also appreciate the fact that you stopped to talk to them – even for a little while.
Next, you were very vague about where you’re going. Your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend will have a natural curiosity about exactly what you’re up to, but won’t be able to bring themselves to ask. Until they go back out with you, whatever you’re doing is really none of their business.
Another big thing: you just made your ex-agree to call you again. This is huge because it happened so fast your ex couldn’t even disagree with it! He or she probably just nodded or muttered a quick “yeah, okay”. Note how you didn’t offer to call them back – you asked them to call you. It’s a pretty slick move that puts the ball in their court and puts you at an advantage when the phone rings again.
Finally, you dropped the words “next week” in there. As if you’re so busy for the rest of the week and don’t want to be bothered. This is a tremendous seed that will grow and grow in your ex’s mind over the next few days. Are you seeing someone else? Did you find another boy or girlfriend? These things will flash through your ex’s mind because he or she will naturally assume you’ve got something pretty good going on. After all, you ditched their phone call to run out and do something else.
Know what happened during this phone call? You turned the tables and seized control of the situation. When your ex-broke up with you, he or she assumed all of the power over what happened next. You just took a big chunk of that power back. Your ex’s head is spinning with questions and you look like you’re in complete control. It seems almost like you couldn’t care less whether or not your ex-calls back next week, and that’s exactly how it should seem.
Never ask the question “What do I say when my ex-calls me?” again. KNOW what to do. Assume control of your breakup and turn the whole thing around in just a few short sentences. By giving your ex his or her space, allowing them to miss you, and then letting your ex’s mind work overtime to figure out what’s going on in your world? You’ve just taken some giant steps toward getting back together with your boyfriend or girlfriend.