Hope for Getting Back Together After a Break-Up
Your relationship with your ex-has ended. But, is it over with forever? You are probably heartbroken and confused over the loss of your loved one due to some failure to work out problems that arose in your relationship. I am here to tell you that if you want, you do have a chance of getting back that feeling of joy and contentment you once had with your ex! No matter how well or badly your relationship with your ex-did end there is hope for getting back together after a break up with him or her. You have the advantage of the possibility of rekindling those “old flames” of romance, passion, and trust!
You can discover how to get back together with your ex through persuasive strategic measures that are based on creating and fulfilling great expectations in the mind of your ex. It is possible to accomplish this while relying on honor, respect, and proving your commitment to your ex.
Commit to Trying to Get Your Ex Back, then… Wait!
First, decide to take action as soon are you are prepared and then make sure that you are ready to wait it out. Effectively, you are putting the ball in his or her court, and you set up reconciliation to be on his or her terms. You create the environment that allows your ex to have the freedom to consider everything you have said to him or her, when he or she is ready to work it out. However, the subject of being patient will be focused on in greater detail farther along the path of this “getting back together after a break up” article.
“Fresh-Start Expectancy” Method
No matter who was at fault, decide which actions or failures on your part led to the break up. For now, you should only be concerned with your part of the break up. Prepare this list of important problems for which you need to sincerely apologize to your estranged partner. The desired effect from this strategy should be to diplomatically create a believable expectancy in the mind of your ex of a brighter future together with you.
Your strategy will revolve around a “Fresh-Start Expectancy” method that is immediately followed up with fulfillment of each of those promises. In order to accomplish this method you must create positive expectancy in the mind of your spouse and deliver the goods consistently on time. This requires that you redeem any role you played in the break up, make up for past hurts with a new attitude towards him or her, and restore trust in his or her mind concerning you as partner to a renewed relationship.
Setting up a time to talk in an uninterrupted respectful way with your ex will accomplish that feat! Make sure that the thrust of your message revolves around how he or she was personally wronged as your main emphasis. Use this angle as a stepping point for your sincere apology. You will come across as a truly changed and trustworthy person if the discussion is not just a thinly disguised attempt to justify your position. This will make him or her feel secure with and considered by you!
“Rules of Engagement” in Your Persuasive Approach
To have the most diplomatic affect, attempt to use as much respect for him or her in your tone and way of handling any of his or her objections to your proposition. Make sure that you do not resort to the use of accusations or attacks on who they are as a person. Instead, state your proposition using only “I feel” or “I felt” statements that focus on addressing the problem and working towards a plan for getting back together. This will best help you credibly state your plan and your vision of a possible new future for a shared relationship again.
Again, if and when he or she is ready, allow your ex the opportunity to respond to your proposition. This may or may not require an extended waiting period on your part in hopes of his or her response. The more that you display confidence and patience concerning this, the more likely he or she will return with at least an objective response. The courtesy of freedom to take as long as he or she needs in order to get back to you is priceless in this sensitive time. Additionally, it will allow for a more reflective and fair response to be made by your ex in return.
If and when that request is made by your ex in terms of an arrangement to meet up again to hear his or her announce his or her response, use the same rules of listening from your last encounter! The more that he or she feels able to express his or her thoughts, emotions, misgivings, and/or approval toward your proposition that is free of any interruption, the better! This concession on your part should open up the opportunity for your proposition to be considered in a more favorable light by your ex.
Also, this is one of the keys to ensuring that both of you open up to each other relationally from similar frames of mind. This may influence him or her to respond in like manner to your positive approach. Also, the more you are willing to engage in open conversation with your ex, the more each of you will be able to establish open expressions of each of your intentions. Further still, this open respectful approach should foster the building of emotional rapport and the creation of objective ideas together.
The only person you can control in these dealings with one another is you. Really listening to your spouse’s words and sincerely trying to come up with the best appeal for restoration of love and happiness together is all that you can do if the process runs rather smoothly. Taking progressive, small steps in this process will pay off better than forcing the issue of getting back together after a break up with you him or her.
Timely, Believable, and Proven Redemptive Action
If all goes well up to this point, do not waste one minute muddling around. Rather, set out to prove each and every one of your propositions and promises to make amends for any wrongs done toward him or her by you personally. Start with the most recent and most critical offense and keep to your word on completing each and every promise you proposed to him or her. Doing so will establish your personal campaign for having a healthy relationship again with you ex.
Also, your ex will most likely put your promises to the test to prove your ability to keep to your word. Your credibility and reliability hang in the balance of this effort!
How to Defuse a Hostile Situation When Trying to Get Back Together After a Break Up
What if, despite your best efforts he or she is hostile towards you and/or your proposition? How should you handle such a situation? There are tactics you can use to defuse the bomb of animosity that may ensue when you put forth efforts to reestablish your relationship.
If you have a strong resolve to see your efforts through to their logical ends, you can “bow out gracefully” for the moment and hope to have a better opportunity in the future to try again. If your spouse did not completely tell you to never speak to him or her again, then you can simply respect and accept his or her stance on your proposition. Furthermore, this show of respect for his or her wishes may prove to change his or her mind concerning getting back together with you. Perhaps, time was needed to heal the old relational wounds. During this time you should completely “put the ball in his or her court” again.
Do Not Stalk Your Ex
If your ex told you never to speak to him or her again, then do not make any attempt at contacting, following, or stalking your ex in any way! This will destroy your chances of the possibility for him or her to reconsider your proposition to get back together again. If you break this rule, then your chances of getting back together with your ex diminish dramatically. Nothing will turn off or drive your ex away from you more than desperate and shameless behavior that invades his or her privacy.
Conclusion
The “Fresh-Start Expectancy” method coupled with following each of the proper “rules of engagement” should prove to be effective if you act quickly to prove your promises. Doing so should become the bridge between you and your ex. But, you say, “Hey this is awfully one-sided. What about my ex? Shouldn’t he (or she) apologize and make up for what he (or she) did to mess up the relationship?” All that I can say to that point of protest is that effectively sincere persuasion that is backed up by proof of commitment has a way of softening the recipient to reciprocate your positive gesture to rebuild the relationship.
Related Article: Long Distance Relationship Break Up Tips
Featured Image: Psychology Today
Source by James Hess