I’ve written several articles putting my experience after my husband’s affair out there for all to read. I often get emails from women in the same situation. Many ask me how to best get revenge on the other woman and/or their husband. I understand these feelings because I felt them myself. I used to follow the other woman around, trying to get up the courage to approach her. Or, I’d plot awful ways to get back at her (which I never actually did carry out.) So, I do understand wanting her to feel every ounce of the pain and hurt that you feel right now. But, you may be surprised as to what is really your best revenge. I’ll explain more below.
To Understand How To Best Get Back At The Other Woman, Think About What She Values (And Wants) The Most: Many people will tell me that they intend to do physical type pranks on the mistress, like mess with her car, do something to her house, or embarrass or shame her in front of others. Another popular tactic is to tell her husband about the affair if she is married. Again, I understand this. But, let’s think about this for a second. This thing is all temporary, right? She can fix her house and car. And, it’s highly likely that very little can embarrass her because she’s participating in behavior which proves that she has no shame.
What is it that she wants and values that you can take away from her? Your husband. She wants to take your husband from you. In fact, her best case scenario is for you to lose control and to appear unattractive, unstable, and beaten. Always remember that she wants you in a weakened state because it makes her job so much easier. So, when you rage, lose control of your emotions or strike out at your husband, you’re playing right into her plan. You’re making it so much easier for her, which only gives her what she wants.
How To Take Your Life Back From The Mistress: There’s a saying which goes “happiness is the best revenge.” That is so true right now. The mistress doesn’t want you to be happy. She doesn’t want for your husband to be happy with you. She needs for things at your house to be tense and heavy because this means that your husband will turn to her as a safe haven. Do not play into this. Do not give her what she wants. Whether you save your marriage or not, don’t let her beat you. Don’t allow her to take your product, satisfying life from you. Don’t allow her to rob you of your self-esteem.
Here’s the truth. Your husband’s affair has less to do with you (or even with her) than you think. Often, an affair is a man’s way to restore his self-esteem or something that is broken within him. Very often, the mistress was just at the right place at the right time. It’s more a matter of timing than anything else. There’s nothing special about her. In fact, over 85% of cheating husbands admitted in a study that the other woman was not more attractive or more alluring than their wives.
So, what does she have that you don’t have? She doesn’t live in the real world! She doesn’t have to pick up your husband’s dirty socks or make his meals. She likely doesn’t demand a lot from your husband. She’s all fun without any sacrifice. She doesn’t have to worry about the bills or running the household. She can present herself as a fun diversion with no strings attached.
But, you know what? She can’t keep this up forever. The longer the affair lasts, the more that reality is going to set in. She’s going to start demanding more from your husband and this is going to make her less and less attractive. And then, she plays right into your hand – rather than it being the other way around.
Don’t Allow Her To Place Negative Presence Into Your Life: I know that you think it may be oh so satisfying to confront this woman or to hurt her. But, please believe me when I say that I’ve seen so many of my readers do this and it almost never turns out well. She’s going to do everything she can to make you doubt yourself and your husband. She’s going to give you a mental image that is so hard to remove from your mind. And, she’s only going to sling more negatively and doubt you. So, don’t let her do this.
Instead, conduct yourself with dignity and grace – two traits that she definitely doesn’t have. Don’t play into her hand and wait her out. Focus on your husband, your family, and those things that are important to you. Build yourself and your marriage up (should you chose to save it.) What this woman really wants is to remain in your husband’s (and therefore your) life. Don’t allow her this. Fling her away like the little gnat that she is.
Ultimately, her worst case scenario is if your husband tires of her, sever all ties, and then commits to saving his marriage with you. She does not want this to happen. So, your best revenge on her is to make absolutely sure that this is exactly what happens – if that is what you want. Remember, you call the shots in your own life – not her.